We don't choose our patients

I don't normally write about patients, but today I had a patient tell me that they were sure that I was a blessing.  This patient, like so many other patients, tugged at my heart strings.  Here's the thing: I have too many feelings, and sometimes patients, for one reason or another, hit too close to home.  When this happens, it throws me off my axis.  I know I have to learn to control it, but I haven't yet.  I've barely learned to deal with it, and sometimes the only way to deal is to shut it off.  Sometimes you have a tough patient and you just have to steel yourself.  Today's patient was the definition of a sweetheart, and that was part of the reason this patient hit home for me.  As I'm leaving, my patient says, "You've been such a blessing.  You've got a sweet face and I won't forget it.  I know you were sent to me as a blessing.  Make sure you keep your heart open."  This patient thought I was sent to them, but maybe it's the other way around, maybe they were sent to me.  To help me keep my heart open.  People think doctors are cold and unfeeling, and I get that, sometimes you just can't, but I've always had too many feelings, and maybe that's why I'm supposed to be a doctor.  We don't choose our patients, but maybe we get the ones we need.  Keeping a thought for this special patient; grateful I was able to learn today.