I forgot what it was like

I forgot.  I forgot what it was like to study for an exam like this.  Studying for school is completely different than studying for the MCAT or Boards.  When I'm studying for an exam for school, there's panic, I realize how little I know, I spend the day memorizing facts, doing practice problems, reviewing slides, etc.  I forgot that when you're studying for an exam like this, how you do on that day's practice exam will determine your mood for the rest of day.  I know it shouldn't, but when I was studying for the MCAT, I'd sit for 3 hours doing stupid physics problems and then I'd find out my score, if it was above 30, I was golden; my self-esteem was through the roof; I could do this!  When my score dipped below 30: I was never going to get into medical school, why was I so dumb?  It's not healthy, it's not true, but it's the truth, it's what I felt like.  This weekend I've been catching up on UWorld questions, doing 4 blocks of 46 questions, and after one 30% correct, I felt like finding my way to the bottom of a bottle of bourbon.  I opted for the bottom of a pint of froyo instead.  For another block, I managed a 60%.  I just have to keep reminding myself that I'm still starting out, that there's going to be variation and that I learn from each and every test I take; every wrong answer should be a concept I learn.  Onto DIT primer videos. I am all caught up on my UWorld Questions and my DIT questions though, so at least that's something.